Archive for September, 2008

Devastated

Posted in cut out, life experiences with tags on Sunday, September 28, 2008 by dragonsvamp

I know it can be devastating when a friend (a very extremely close friend) cuts you out of her life. In the beginning when my friend cut me out of her life I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt alone. I felt hurt. I felt violated and needless to say more than devastated.  I felt worthless and helpless. I didn’t know how I would go on (yes dramatic I know but that’s honestly how it felt).

Of course I had other friends that tried their best to help me out and keep me from becoming too depressed.  Though at the time it helped very little but now I realize that if I didn’t have those friends around me I would have probably done a few very foolish things I would end up regretting.  

It didn’t help matters that I was within more than enough close proximity with this friend. We lived near one another and mixed with the same general crowd.  It hurt to see her at the other end of a room/building we were in. 

I felt lost.  I didn’t understand why she had cut me out of her life. And though now I understand and can be charged with the same crime (of cutting someone who cared deeply for me out of my own life) it still hurts.  I know we are both probably better off not being close and barely associating with one another but it sure does still hurt very much to lay eyes on her more or less talk to her.  It’s like the wall that now separates us is so foreign to me I’d rather not have anything to do with her or remind me of her than have to see it between us.

I know that we will never have what we had.  Even if we could, I don’t think I would want it.  I couldn’t stand disappointing her anymore than I already have and I know if we rekindled our friendship I would most assuredly do so (disappoint her I mean).  And I’m sure this ‘foreign wall’ that separates us now is much too strong for either of us to completely destroy. It’s as if we’re on two different planes of reality. Ones that will never meet again. At one point they did but then they split paths and went in completely separate directions.

Almost a year later, now, I understand, have come to terms, and have accepted all this. For all you who are going through a similar experience of being cut out of someone’s life I assure you one day you’ll understand why it happened.  You may not like it but you’ll realize it was most probably for the best.

As the saying goes: When God shuts a door He opens up a window somewhere.

Make sure to find that window.

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime: Which?

Posted in life experiences with tags , on Saturday, September 27, 2008 by dragonsvamp

I couldn’t remember the exact way my friend had put it. So I decided to get the help of some of my friends (thanks you know who you are!) and found it. Don’t know who wrote it or said it or how it came to be but here’s what my previous post was referring to:

 

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you
have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with
guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled,
their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Finally: Understanding

Posted in cut out, life experiences with tags , , on Friday, September 26, 2008 by dragonsvamp

Almost a year ago a very close and dear friend of mine cut me out of her life. Completely. She didn’t want to talk to me or hear from me.  I couldn’t understand. What had I done that was so bad that could cause what we had to completely fall apart? And not only fall apart but cause the person who I knew I could confide in with anything not ever want to talk to me again? 

I didn’t understand and wouldn’t for almost a year.

I recently have done the same to a once very close and dear friend of mine. A person I was willing to create a life with.  A person I loved.

Now I realize why my first friend cut me out of her life.  I was suffocating her- our friendship suffocated her. Until she could handle it no more. I’m sure every time I disappointed her she gave me an excuse or said I would do better. She hoped I would end up rising to her expectations but I doubt I ever did or ever will.

I made similar excuses for the person I ended up cutting out of my life. For over two years I said this person would grow into a person I could respect and stay in love with. Then I realized I was deceiving myself. Not until the breath was being suffocated out of me in this friendship did I realize that the only way for me to stay whole would be for me to cut that person out of my life completely.

I am much happier for it.

Some people come into your life when you need them. And when that need is no longer there that person no longer has a place in your life. It sounds cruel but it really isn’t.

A while back I was told that there are three kinds of friends: 1. Those who come into your life and stay forever, 2. Those who come and take part in helping you become who you are and then leave when no longer needed or when their deed is done and I can’t remember what the third kind is (anyone know/remember?).  

My point is that to my friend I was the second type of friend for her. She needed me at a certain time and that time passed and so our friendship was no longer able to survive and so apparently is the case true vise versa.  And the person I ended up cutting out of my life was a #2 friend as well. 

Indeed we grow and (hopefully) become better people from the people we come across and the experiences we go through with them.

~ Breaking Away ~

Posted in Health & Fitness with tags , on Monday, September 1, 2008 by dragonsvamp

When a person gets too wrapped up in something, it’s hard for them to realize that their original goal in undertaking this something has been lost or forgotten. Sometimes people never realize this and others find out much too late. A select few realize this just in time to save themselves from a lot of stress, heartache, worry, etc etc.

One might intend everything for the best. Going about trying to do their best in the situation and yet realize a while later that they had just convinced themselves of it rather than truly believed it.  One may intend well and yet the result is anything but good.

And yet the person finds herself in a situation of ‘enlightenment’ (for lack of better words) where she knows she can either keep pretending and go along with the conviction or break away and do what is right for her (even though it might mean hurting others or making others look unfavorably upon her and her actions because those looking in will never be able to truly understand why this person is doing certain things and what is causing her to do so).

Letting go is probably the most difficult thing a person will ever be able to accomplish in her life.

The actions that lead to letting go and breaking away are probably the most difficult and therefore something many fear and shun. The unknown or whatever is to happen after the initial ‘letting go’ is another thing that keeps people in shackled to a life they do not like and are unhappy in.

And yet people would rather stay unhappy than ruin the ‘perfect’ little world they had set up around them. It’s too hard to let go. 

Yes it is. And that is why it’s so important to do so.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though letting go seems scary and something you might shun, you probably should take a closer look at this option before discarding it. It might actually be the right thing to do.

Letting go is hard. That’s true. It’s painful, yes. But it’s worth it. At least for me it’s helped a whole hell of a lot.  

Yes getting attached to something, be it a way of life, a habit, a person or anything else, is sometimes good for a person. However, when this attachment causes you to hurt and stress out and lose view of your priorities then its time for a revamp and a reconstruction.   

Don’t worry about how this will effect those closest to you, they’re all adults and fully able to take care of themselves. Sometimes you do need to be selfish and think of what is right for you and act upon it for once.

It’s hard.

Yes.

But it’s not impossible.

And sometimes, just sometimes it’s the right thing to do.