Devastated

I know it can be devastating when a friend (a very extremely close friend) cuts you out of her life. In the beginning when my friend cut me out of her life I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt alone. I felt hurt. I felt violated and needless to say more than devastated.  I felt worthless and helpless. I didn’t know how I would go on (yes dramatic I know but that’s honestly how it felt).

Of course I had other friends that tried their best to help me out and keep me from becoming too depressed.  Though at the time it helped very little but now I realize that if I didn’t have those friends around me I would have probably done a few very foolish things I would end up regretting.  

It didn’t help matters that I was within more than enough close proximity with this friend. We lived near one another and mixed with the same general crowd.  It hurt to see her at the other end of a room/building we were in. 

I felt lost.  I didn’t understand why she had cut me out of her life. And though now I understand and can be charged with the same crime (of cutting someone who cared deeply for me out of my own life) it still hurts.  I know we are both probably better off not being close and barely associating with one another but it sure does still hurt very much to lay eyes on her more or less talk to her.  It’s like the wall that now separates us is so foreign to me I’d rather not have anything to do with her or remind me of her than have to see it between us.

I know that we will never have what we had.  Even if we could, I don’t think I would want it.  I couldn’t stand disappointing her anymore than I already have and I know if we rekindled our friendship I would most assuredly do so (disappoint her I mean).  And I’m sure this ‘foreign wall’ that separates us now is much too strong for either of us to completely destroy. It’s as if we’re on two different planes of reality. Ones that will never meet again. At one point they did but then they split paths and went in completely separate directions.

Almost a year later, now, I understand, have come to terms, and have accepted all this. For all you who are going through a similar experience of being cut out of someone’s life I assure you one day you’ll understand why it happened.  You may not like it but you’ll realize it was most probably for the best.

As the saying goes: When God shuts a door He opens up a window somewhere.

Make sure to find that window.

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8 Responses to “Devastated”

  1. I prefer looking at that shut door and wondering how I’ll ever get it open again. All i need if the right key, maybe i can pick the lock too if I practice. I’ve got all the time in the world, worst that can happen is i never end up fixing things and I die in this existence. Keep moving forward, and you might find that you can go back and change things for the better. Meet the Robinsons is my favorite movie ever for helping me realise this. I only saw half of it too lol.

    Those kind of bonds run deep, are eternal, and do not die no matter how distant you become from the other. The power of love. Hurts a lot doesnt it?

  2. ooooo i just thought of something clever. maybe god opens a window back into that door? lol took me a few mins……damn im tired, you know how i get lol

  3. Alhamdulillah. Allah knows what is best for you. InshAllah I am glad that a year later you have matured and understood what happened. Inshallah this other door that you shut is for the best. May Allah guide you to your Naseeb inshAllah.

    Eid Mubarak Habibti! We had our mandatory donuts over here and some ful and labaneh to go with. Our silly little traditions. Donuts is the other thing open on Eid morning around here. Ha.

  4. …. i don’t know if juggling a soul’s emotional status on this earth and then learning from it is Mature!!!!

  5. Seriously Fatimah!! Serilously!! it doesnt mean if u break up with someone it makes u immature. Kallas, she felt it was not right for her…It doesnt mean if u meet someone and you had a relationship with that person that u have to coninute. People change!!

    Second of all!
    I am definitely sure khuloud didnt on purpose “juggle a soul’s emotional status”….

    Khuloud is going through a lot and that is the best support u can give her…Thats sad!!

  6. You must love that person dearly!!

    That’s what happens when you get too close to someone who is not worth your friendship!! True friends stay all the way even when you start acting crazy and stupid (which I know you do that very often ;))

  7. just passing through my old haunts…….i traveled the unknown path and now I see, I only hope the person still can love this old fool somewhere inside

  8. that window, although only i can see it, may have just been cracked open a tiny bit

    of course maybe not

    care to take a chance and read my blog?

    gambling is fun

    still hard to hold onto so many things at once though

    i need sleep

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